Let Inspiration Find You This New Year

This week we celebrated Christmas at our house. It was great! We enjoyed several house guests and lots of good food, attended a Christmas Eve service with family and dear friends at a neighborhood church, and showered our almost-four-year-old with lots and lots of new toys. It was wonderful, we're tired, and today I spent a few hours putting away all the Christmas decorations for another year.

There is something about this week every year that really gets me going. I confess that I begin getting a little unmotivated around Thanksgiving and it goes downhill from there. By the week of Christmas I am usually pretty absent-minded and just trying to get everything finished before THE DEADLINE: Christmas Day. It struck me the other day that Christmas is somewhat like planning a wedding, but instead of once in a lifetime it occurs once a year! We shop, send cards, bake (yes, I did much more of that this year and took goodies to neighbors, etc.), shop some more, sneak around so the surprise won't be ruined, assemble family and friends that we may not see any other time and put on our best faces! And much like a wedding, once the big day is over, it's all over! You then wonder why you worked so hard and stressed so much for such a short event!

But guess what? Next year most of us will do it all over again. And for me, this is the exact week that magic happens. I have a few days to ponder the new year and set goals and dream big. Most years, this is the exact time - that time in between two big holidays - that big ideas arise and the possibilities seem endless. The rush of holidays is over and the old energy starts to come back.

As you make big (or small, or simply new) plans for the coming year, I encourage you to take this next week to see what comes to you. Instead of forcing ideas, wait for them. When you wake up the next few mornings, spend the first five minutes of the day in prayer or meditation, asking for inspiration and focusing on positive possibilities. Be thankful for the new day and begin it with expectation. If you're facing big decisions about life or career in 2008, use this time to see what comes to you before jumping into anything.

Take this next week to restore your energy, practice gratitude, think positively and wait expectantly. If you're open and ready, the inspiration will come!

Want to Feel Great? Make a "Great" List

We never know the worth of water 'til the well is dry. -- English Proverb

Some days you feel great, some you don’t, right? On the days you don’t feel great it may be due to a physical ailment, lack of sleep, and general feeling of blahness about your life. The first two are easy to correct: wait for the ailment to heal and go to bed earlier. (A fantastic idea, by the way!)

How do you get rid of the blahs and make yourself feel great, instantly?

Make a list of what is great in your life!

I was reminded of the abundance I enjoy recently when I saw a poverty-stricken father of five fall to his knees, cry and thank God when he was given a freezer full of food. It struck me not only because I have never known that kind of need, but more because of the gratitude this man exhibited over something I take for granted daily.

What is great in your life right now? Do you have income to buy necessities? Do you have even more than that? Do you enjoy great health? Do you have friends, family, a pet you love?

How is the weather where you are today? Is the sun shining (pretty miraculous that that happens every single day, even if we can’t see it!) or is rain providing needed water?

I know, I sound like a three-piece-suited preacher or a motivational speaker with big earrings. You may be reading this saying, “Blah, blah, blah, I’ve heard it all before Gwen!” Fair enough.

But think for a minute what it would be like if you didn’t have running water today (ever had your water heater quit?) or if you weren’t sure what you could eek out to feed your family for five days with no money?

If there is anything great in your life at all, write it down! Or make a mental list if writing isn’t your thing. If you can’t think of anything, start with the basics. Breathing. Walking and talking. Being free from physical pain. Build up from there – I know you can.

And if you are having a great life and know how not to take things for granted, kudos to you! Share your spirit of gratitude with some other people who aren’t feeling it so much! Give a gift to someone today without expecting anything back.

I challenge you today to just go out and think great, act great and BE great!

Warmest Regards,
Gwen

Rate Increase Effective January, 2008

Note to current and future clients: I will be increasing my monthly coaching fees in 2008 beginning on January 1. If you are a client now the new rates will not apply to you. The new rate of $350/month is only for clients beginning on January 1 or later. So if you have thought about scheduling a consultation but have put it off, now is the time! If you begin coaching with me before December 31, 2007 you will still receive the current rate of $300/month and that will be effective as long as you are a continuing client.

To schedule your complimentary consultation, e-mail me at consultation_coachgwen@tx.rr.com. I'll look forward to talking with you!

How Stressed Are You?

It’s like the flip of a switch. You go from a relaxed, I’ll-get-to-it-when-I-get-to-it summer mindset and then September 1 arrives and suddenly you’re hit with corporate deadlines, school projects and all the things that have to get done “before the holidays.” October rolls around and oh-my-gosh it’s almost the holiday season and we don’t have our plane tickets booked and we aren’t going to drive 800 miles so we’ll just spend Thanksgiving alone! November brings the anticipation of four days with relatives we never see at any other time, or worse, we don’t have any relatives so it’s just another holiday to get through. And so on and so on.

I noticed recently that a psychologist at the church I attend is offering a six-week series on surviving the holiday season. Does this tell us anything?

So how is your stress level right now? I ran across this quiz and think it is worth completing to see exactly where you are. Rank each statement on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 meaning less true for you, and 5 meaning very true for you. If you’re somewhere in the middle, mark it a 2, 3 or 4.

1. A close family member died in the past 12 months.
2. I moved to a new town in the past 12 months.
3. I changed jobs in the past 12 months.
4. My son/daughter left home in the past 12 months.
5. A close friend/family member who is ill depends on me for care.
6. I’ve had a major health problem in the past 12 months.
7. A close relationship ended in the past 12 months.
8. I lost my job or retired in the past 12 months.
9. I got married in the past 12 months.
10. I took on a lot of debt in the past 12 months.
11. I got divorced or separated in the past 12 months.
12. I lost a lot of money in the past 12 months.
13. I have ongoing marital problems.
14. I have ongoing intimacy problems.
15. I have ongoing financial problems.
16. I have ongoing trouble with friends or relatives.
17. I have ongoing problems meeting family demands.
18. I have ongoing pressure at work or school.
19. I have ongoing pressure with emotional problems.
20. I am constantly facing do-or-die deadlines.

Add up your total score. If your score is:

20-35 You’re virtually stress-free
36-50 You’re somewhat stressed
51-75 You are stressed. Watch out.
76-100 You are very stressed – reduce all pressures in your life or someone will be calling 911.

In working with clients, I’m often surprised by their denial or unawareness of the stress in their lives. They may mention four or five of the items listed above and when I say, “My goodness, you’re dealing with a lot,” they will say something like, “Yeah, I guess, but it’s not that bad.” Then later as they get past some of these things, they will then tell me what a huge relief it is.

So, here is what you do if you find yourself in the higher scores:

• Admit it. Stop pretending to be made of steel and own the fact that there are external pressures and you are entitled to feel it. In other words, give yourself a break!
  
• Look very specifically at the source of the stress and see where you can get outside help. That may come in the form of a therapist, a financial planner or a housekeeper, but identify it and get the help you need.
  
• Don’t take on more things. If you’re up to your eyeballs now, don’t volunteer to host a holiday party or lead the new company project.
  
• Take the time to grieve over what is lost.
  
• Spend time with people who love and support you. Avoid those who don’t.

Many stressors are not easily fixed, but some are. If you find that you are having trouble focusing, you’re irritable and tired all the time, or you want to spend a lot more time alone than usual, pay attention. It’s a good time to go over the top a little and practice some extreme self care. It isn’t selfish, it’s wise.

Pay the Bills While You Find Yourself

The highest use of capital is not to make more money, but to make money do more for the betterment of life. –Henry Ford

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. -- Robert Orben


Money. That pesky necessity. If we didn’t have to pay for food, clothing and shelter, career decisions would be simple, right? You could choose your career by what you want to wear: Ripped jeans and flip-flops or a suit with pockets full of electronic handhelds that scream “VIP ON BOARD!” You could drop in, drop out, experiment and dream to your heart’s content.

Often when clients call me ready to make a BIG move, one of the first issues we address is “Where will the money come from in the meantime?” Whether they are so burned out they want to quit, want to start their own business and live the dream of being The One In Charge, or have been outsourced or laid off by the company to whom they have devoted the best years of their life, the issue of paying the bills until they find “the next thing” must be addressed.

First, a general rule of thumb you read in many career books is to have at least six months’ living expenses tucked away. I personally wasn’t comfortable until that figure reached two years. Realistically, time passes very quickly when you are concerned about money. And the longer you are able to financially sustain yourself, the more time you can spend looking for a really great opportunity. So if you have the luxury of time and a steady income now, prepare ahead of time and prepare well. Tuck it away for that rainy day.

If you don’t have that luxury, (you have already taken the leap, you left involuntarily, you’re still employed but the days are numbered, etc.) take heart. There are always ways to make money. Here are some suggestions for doing just that. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but offers some real world, do-it-now ideas:

• Work temp or part-time. You can do this through temp agencies, professional organizations, your personal network, and any number of ways. It’s a great way to keep yourself in circulation and bridge the gap without feeling trapped.
• Use a hobby to make money. I know one IT professional who was laid off in the dot-com collapse and began using his handyman/contracting skills as a “temporary” solution. He got so much work so fast that he has never gone back to his former career. Look around at your social and business circles and see what common needs people have that you could immediately fill. Make a list of your best skills and look at what you could turn into cash within a month or two, then get the word out!
• Become a consultant. Use the skills that have taken you this far in your career. If appropriate, network with former colleagues or clients and offer your services independently.
• If you’re really burned out, work the jobs that college students fill in the summer. An upscale coffee shop where cool people hang out. A retail store where you have always wanted an employee discount. While I was on vacation in Colorado, one problem I saw was that many of the daily tours and activities had been curtailed because that week so many college students had just returned to school. High school and college students flood the job market in the summer and vanish in the fall. Capitalize on the opportunity!

Remember, you may have to think outside the box in this situation. You may need to consider the job (albeit temporarily) that you never thought you would take. Or you may need to start a business doing something you can do to make money quickly before you can start the one that you have always dreamed about. I am a firm believer that working and being productive is never a waste of time and can often lead to something great and unexpected! Remember, always MOVE FORWARD!

If you have other ideas or suggestions for temporary ways to earn a living, I would love to hear them. Post comments to this blog and share your ideas with other readers.

If you would like to craft your own personal life vision and get started on its path, give me a call. I would love to talk further with you about it during a free consultation. Just drop me a note and we will set up a time!

Warmest Regards,
Gwen

The Power of Chillin'

My family just returned from a week in the mountains of Colorado. We were in the spectacular setting of Snow Mountain Ranch, aka YMCA of the Rockies. We tie-dyed shirts, rode horses, hiked, made s'mores, played miniature golf (a new favorite of my 3-year-old), and hurled down the Winter Park alpine slide as many times as we could cram in to our half-day pass!

Best of all - no television! Sure, I missed my nightly wind-down with HGTV and my daughter missed "Curious George," but after a day or two we hardly noticed. We actually found ourselves conversing in the evenings, or spending time with other people. We went outside and looked at the moon and stars and smelled the pine trees all around.

What does this have to do with Life and Career, you ask? Not much. Except that a pleasant change of scenery always lends fresh perspective.

I went away thinking I would write a few chapters in my book, make a lot of notes and come back with a jump on some projects. Didn't happen. Instead, I came back with a greater appreciation of all that I already have. Some of the things I was spending my energy on before vacation seemed silly once I could put some distance between myself and them. Other things now seem way more important and I will focus on those with fresh energy.

Perspective. If you haven't stepped away from the very things that are consuming your thoughts right now, I encourage you to do it. I never cease to be amazed by the power of stepping back. Chillin'.

If you can't take a full blown vacation, the next best thing is to completely change your routine for a day or two. Get up at a different time, change the order of things, go different places than you normally do. Shake it up and shake out the cobwebs. It will do you a world of good!

How to Discern What's Next

Only positive consequences encourage good future performances.
-- Kenneth H. Blanchard


Career anxiety. You’ve been there. You used to be happy doing what you’re doing, or maybe you never were, but you should be happy because it’s supposed to be such a great job and all your friends and family keep telling you that. So why do you keep feeling so antsy? Why can’t you simply adjust your attitude?

I hear it all the time. Clients contact me because they are in a place they no longer want to be, but can’t yet see the next “thing.” And I tell them that I have no magic beans to offer but that if we work together we will, at the very least, create some new ideas and get them moving forward in a strategic direction.

Along the way, we both have to practice a lot of discernment. I have to listen for what you’re really saying and not saying, and you have to develop the skill of knowing where to place your energy in order to produce your desired outcomes. Frequently, a client may have to discern whether it is time to throw up their hands and quit what they are currently doing in order to preserve their sanity or to make necessary changes to their current situation. Often you can make it tolerable (maybe even good!) until you work through the evaluative process (what I call the Four E’s of Discovery – see my website).

The most important step in developing discernment is to create your vision. I work with clients on crafting what their ideal life and/or career will look like so that we can both be guided by that vision as we do the work. If some form of vision does not lead you then you are more likely to set a lot of goals that don’t feel quite right.

Sometimes the exact vision isn’t clear, and that is o.k. I have had several clients who didn’t immediately identify “the next thing”, but were still able to make huge steps forward. The number one cause of career anxiety is the feeling that you aren’t being true to yourself, or you are not getting to be yourself in your current environment. If you can at least verbalize what you want to be like in the next phase (in control of my own schedule, plenty of down time, around people who inspire me, having fun) then you will find it much easier to navigate through the process of identifying your next move.

Once we get on a path away from where they are, a client will often ask me “What do I do now?” especially if they are in between wanting to get away from something and knowing where it is they want to go. At this point I tell them when evaluating choices and making decisions, ask yourself this question: “Will this move me forward?” It seems simple, but when you’re working so hard to try to “find yourself” it is very easy to become less discerning because you are so anxious to get on with something new. It can be tempting to quit a professional career and go serve fast food just to get out, but that is only wise if it moves you forward in your life. If it only gets you away from something and doesn’t put you closer to something better, it is probably not a good decision.

Remember, all big life changes require a lot of energy. To avoid expending energy unnecessarily, remember these points:

• Operate with some kind of vision, even if it isn’t completely clear. It will become clearer as you progress.
• Practice discernment. Every time you make a decision or choice related to your vision, ask yourself if it will move you forward. If it doesn’t, don’t give it any more of your energy. Redirect your focus.
  

If you would like to craft your own personal life vision and get started on it’s path, give me a call. I would love to talk further with you about it during a free consultation. Just drop me a note and we will set up a time!

Momentum Newsletter- July, 2007

Thank You ABWA!

I had the privilege of speaking at a meeting of the American Business Women's Association (Central Texas Area) this past weekend. Their theme was "Share the Power" and did they do just that! I would like to thank them for inviting me and for getting to spend some time with such a dynamic group!

My topic was "Become an Opportunity Magnet" and we spent several minutes crafting and discussing intention statements for magnetic living. Fun stuff!

Thanks again to the Bell Chapter of ABWA for inviting me back!

Get Along with the Von Hoobie-Doobies

The true spirit of conversation consists in building on another man's observation, not overturning it. -- Edward Bulwer-Lytto


My father always taught me that no matter which career I chose, it would require that I work with people. And that includes pleasant people, grumpy people, demanding, know-it-all people, people who can never be satisfied, people who support you and people who do not. Even if you work from home with no one else around most days, you will still encounter people - someone has to buy the product or service you are providing - and getting along with them is a skill.

In his children's book, Edwina - The Dinosaur Who Didn't Know She Was Extinct, Mo Willems illustrates this beautifully. Edwina is the only remaining dinosaur who goes around doing good, helping people and often baking cookies for everyone. But Reginald Von Hoobie-Doobie is a little boy "who knows everything about just about everything" and is determined to prove that dinosaurs are extinct, and therefore Edwina can't possibly be real.

Everyone gets tired of Reginald's rantings about their beloved Edwina and stops listening to him. One day he is sobbing about it when Edwina steps up behind him and offers to listen. She listens attentively and is shocked by the legitimate case he makes and realizes that she is, indeed, extinct. But, "She just didn't care." And after experiencing someone attentively listening to him and appreciating his knowledge, neither did Reginald Von Hoobie-Doobie.

Lessons to learn from the story, plus a few other hints:

For many, many reasons difficult people often just have a need to be heard and validated. Spend a few minutes listening attentively to them without interruption. Find something in their conversation or behavior with which you can agree. Then say something affirming like, "Interesting. I never thought of it that way." Or, "You make a good point." And this is the important thing: Do not follow up with a "but..." Follow up with "and..." It sounds like this: " I never thought about that voice mail message being annoying and I will certainly follow up on that issue."

Resist the urge to elevate your tone. I have found that the more worked up someone is, the more responsive they are to a very calm, soothing tone. You don't need to be patronizing, but keep the atmosphere at a calm level.

Use "charge-neutral" statements. This means not using "you" very much, like "You always yell at me!" (accusing). Instead, use statements such as "When you approach me using a loud voice, I feel inclined to tune you out and that keeps me from hearing what you say." This makes the statement about you, not them. Get the difference?

Don't take it personally. Sometimes difficult people can make you feel uninformed, out of touch, or inferior. That is what they want you to feel. Again, see it as their need, not your problem. Think Edwina. "She just didn't care!"

Make a request. Even pleasant people can't read your mind. Approach the problem by clearly stating your desired outcome. Then make specific requests leading to that. "Will you please turn those reports in to me at 4pm each day from now on?" Important: Use the words "will you" or "would you" rather than "could you" or "can you." It makes an enormous difference in the response!

If you would like to talk more about communicating and working with difficult people in your life, I invite you to contact me for a complimentary coaching consultation.

Don't Just Hope for Opportunity - Throw Yourself Under It's Wheels!

How can you ensure that you are always open and ready for great things to come to you, no matter what? Chances are you have known at least one person in your lifetime to whom everything seems to come easily. The "lucky" one.

Know what? Maybe some luck is involved. But even if good luck comes your way, you have to be ready for it or it might pass you by!

How can you prepare yourself to be a receiver and exploiter of good luck?

First, be someone who has a solid foundation. When your life is in order, your boundaries are clear, your most fundamental needs are met, and you take great care of yourself, you are ready to receive neat things. If you are the opposite, guess what? That is why I encourage you to sign up for my Life Upgrade e-course, if you haven't already. It addresses these basic life needs that must be addressed in order to be a person who attracts great things and is ready to capitalize upon and enjoy them.

Another important way to attract opportunity: Place yourself in its presence. “Be in the room”, as they say. Don’t talk yourself out of opportunity. Let's say there is a networking luncheon or cool social function you could attend, but it might be dull, you probably wouldn’t meet anyone who could really connect you, the food might be bad, it’s hard to park there, etc. Been there! But really, how many organized events have you attended in your life that didn’t give you something; a new contact, motivation, a chance to gear up and stretch yourself?

Spend time with people who inspire you. I make it a point to have frequent lunch or coffee dates with friends who make me laugh, support and encourage me and who are creative thinkers. And I do my best to be all of those things for them, too. We always come away feeling lighter and frequently inspired by some new idea.

Be what you want to attract. Would you follow a leader who did not embody the vision he or she wanted you to support? Envision yourself as already having what it is that you want. For example, if you are single and would like to be in a healthy, supportive relationship, picture yourself already in that relationship. Own that feeling of what it is like and how you feel and behave in it. Know that you are on the verge of finding it and be alert and open to receive it. If you own that vision and are clear about it, you will naturally begin to open yourself to the experience, making eye contact, smiling and being friendly wherever you go, attracting the very thing you seek. That is how people meet in coffee shops, grocery store lines, or airports. The same is true for attracting a new career, improved lifestyle, etc. When you own a vision and are clear about it and open to it, you will attract it into your life!

Keep learning. Stay curious. Read great books, talk to interesting people, study subjects you know little about and try to apply them to your life in new and creative ways. Be a perpetual student!

Remember...

-Make sure your life is on solid ground.
-Place yourself in the presence of opportunity.
-Spend time with people who inspire you.
-Be what you want to attract.
-Keep learning.

I wish you all a nice holiday weekend. On this Memorial Day, please take a few moments to remember those whose lives have been lost in service to their country.
If you would like to talk more about attracting more opportunity into your life, I invite you to contact me for a complimentary coaching consultation.

(Published in Momentum Newsletter, May, 2007)

Deepen Your Community

People with similar interests and relating styles are attracted to one another and will eventually bond together. Frequently those bonds will be closer than a traditional family. This is community. Your community will tend to shape you more than your original family unit.

A couple of weeks ago, I lost my mother to a long and tough battle with cancer. In the process of being with all of the gathered friends and relatives at her funeral, it was the overall community that struck me the most. My mother had many loyal friends in her life. When we arrived to the catered lunch for all of the family members, we were greeted by six of my mother's closest friends wearing aprons. They wanted to serve the lunch as a tribute to her.

The funeral was handled with the utmost care by a funeral director and his wife who were good friends of mine in high school. Their parents were dear friends of my parents. In addition, friends of mine from my present community sent flowers and cards and called just to offer assistance. I felt surrounded with love and honored all the same time.

This sense of community and the importance of how it has shaped and supported my life became abundantly clear in that recent experience. Next to my faith and family, there is nothing of greater value in the world. Not a perfectly designed home, not a prestigious car, not the "right" vacation to brag about. And especially not trying to be younger than I am. These relationships have been built over many years and that is a special privilege of growing more mature. Best of all, I find myself wanting to give back to all of those kind people, not because I have to but because I want to.

Who is your community? It can include immediate family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and people with whom you volunteer. The key about having a strong community is that it works best when chosen - people you are with because you want to be, not because you have been thrown together by some other circumstance.

Ideally, your community or support network will bring out the best in you. You come from a healthy place of having your own needs met. Now you can exchange positive emotional and spiritual support regularly and effortlessly. Nothing worth doing is worth doing alone, and the community you select will cause results in your life that you simply could not achieve on your own.

The late Thomas Leonard, a prominent life coach and creator of many of the coach training materials used today, gave these tips for looking at your community1:

Ask Yourself...
-Who is in my community of choice that I just hadn't seen as such until now?
-Am I currently attractive to the type of community I wish to be in?
-Do I even want to be part of a special, chosen community?

It may take a while to discover, attract or create your community of choice. As you get to know yourself better and become engaged in what truly appeals to you, you will draw closer to this community. You will upgrade your community of choice many times, and this is fine. Enjoy the people along the way as you keep refining and developing it.

Remember, having a chosen community makes you more well-rounded and well-connected. It can even be a reserve in case of trouble, as I experienced a few weeks ago. And your community will not only expand your personal and professional opportunities, it will move you in new, rewarding directions.

If you would like to talk more about developing a community that supports and enriches your life, I invite you to contact me for a complimentary coaching consultation.

(Momentum Newsletter article, March, 2007)