It’s like the flip of a switch. You go from a relaxed, I’ll-get-to-it-when-I-get-to-it summer mindset and then September 1 arrives and suddenly you’re hit with corporate deadlines, school projects and all the things that have to get done “before the holidays.” October rolls around and oh-my-gosh it’s almost the holiday season and we don’t have our plane tickets booked and we aren’t going to drive 800 miles so we’ll just spend Thanksgiving alone! November brings the anticipation of four days with relatives we never see at any other time, or worse, we don’t have any relatives so it’s just another holiday to get through. And so on and so on.
I noticed recently that a psychologist at the church I attend is offering a six-week series on surviving the holiday season. Does this tell us anything?
So how is your stress level right now? I ran across this quiz and think it is worth completing to see exactly where you are. Rank each statement on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 meaning less true for you, and 5 meaning very true for you. If you’re somewhere in the middle, mark it a 2, 3 or 4.
1. A close family member died in the past 12 months.
2. I moved to a new town in the past 12 months.
3. I changed jobs in the past 12 months.
4. My son/daughter left home in the past 12 months.
5. A close friend/family member who is ill depends on me for care.
6. I’ve had a major health problem in the past 12 months.
7. A close relationship ended in the past 12 months.
8. I lost my job or retired in the past 12 months.
9. I got married in the past 12 months.
10. I took on a lot of debt in the past 12 months.
11. I got divorced or separated in the past 12 months.
12. I lost a lot of money in the past 12 months.
13. I have ongoing marital problems.
14. I have ongoing intimacy problems.
15. I have ongoing financial problems.
16. I have ongoing trouble with friends or relatives.
17. I have ongoing problems meeting family demands.
18. I have ongoing pressure at work or school.
19. I have ongoing pressure with emotional problems.
20. I am constantly facing do-or-die deadlines.
Add up your total score. If your score is:
20-35 You’re virtually stress-free
36-50 You’re somewhat stressed
51-75 You are stressed. Watch out.
76-100 You are very stressed – reduce all pressures in your life or someone will be calling 911.
In working with clients, I’m often surprised by their denial or unawareness of the stress in their lives. They may mention four or five of the items listed above and when I say, “My goodness, you’re dealing with a lot,” they will say something like, “Yeah, I guess, but it’s not that bad.” Then later as they get past some of these things, they will then tell me what a huge relief it is.
So, here is what you do if you find yourself in the higher scores:
- Admit it. Stop pretending to be made of steel and own the fact that there are external pressures and you are entitled to feel it. In other words, give yourself a break!
- Look very specifically at the source of the stress and see where you can get outside help. That may come in the form of a therapist, a financial planner or a housekeeper, but identify it and get the help you need.
- Don’t take on more things. If you’re up to your eyeballs now, don’t volunteer to host a holiday party or lead the new company project.
- Take the time to grieve over what is lost.
- Spend time with people who love and support you. Avoid those who don’t.
Many stressors are not easily fixed, but some are. If you find that you are having trouble focusing, you’re irritable and tired all the time, or you want to spend a lot more time alone than usual, pay attention. It’s a good time to go over the top a little and practice some extreme self care. It isn’t selfish, it’s wise.
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