Deepen Your Community

People with similar interests and relating styles are attracted to one another and will eventually bond together. Frequently those bonds will be closer than a traditional family. This is community. Your community will tend to shape you more than your original family unit.

A couple of weeks ago, I lost my mother to a long and tough battle with cancer. In the process of being with all of the gathered friends and relatives at her funeral, it was the overall community that struck me the most. My mother had many loyal friends in her life. When we arrived to the catered lunch for all of the family members, we were greeted by six of my mother's closest friends wearing aprons. They wanted to serve the lunch as a tribute to her.

The funeral was handled with the utmost care by a funeral director and his wife who were good friends of mine in high school. Their parents were dear friends of my parents. In addition, friends of mine from my present community sent flowers and cards and called just to offer assistance. I felt surrounded with love and honored all the same time.

This sense of community and the importance of how it has shaped and supported my life became abundantly clear in that recent experience. Next to my faith and family, there is nothing of greater value in the world. Not a perfectly designed home, not a prestigious car, not the "right" vacation to brag about. And especially not trying to be younger than I am. These relationships have been built over many years and that is a special privilege of growing more mature. Best of all, I find myself wanting to give back to all of those kind people, not because I have to but because I want to.

Who is your community? It can include immediate family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and people with whom you volunteer. The key about having a strong community is that it works best when chosen - people you are with because you want to be, not because you have been thrown together by some other circumstance.

Ideally, your community or support network will bring out the best in you. You come from a healthy place of having your own needs met. Now you can exchange positive emotional and spiritual support regularly and effortlessly. Nothing worth doing is worth doing alone, and the community you select will cause results in your life that you simply could not achieve on your own.

The late Thomas Leonard, a prominent life coach and creator of many of the coach training materials used today, gave these tips for looking at your community1:

Ask Yourself...
-Who is in my community of choice that I just hadn't seen as such until now?
-Am I currently attractive to the type of community I wish to be in?
-Do I even want to be part of a special, chosen community?

It may take a while to discover, attract or create your community of choice. As you get to know yourself better and become engaged in what truly appeals to you, you will draw closer to this community. You will upgrade your community of choice many times, and this is fine. Enjoy the people along the way as you keep refining and developing it.

Remember, having a chosen community makes you more well-rounded and well-connected. It can even be a reserve in case of trouble, as I experienced a few weeks ago. And your community will not only expand your personal and professional opportunities, it will move you in new, rewarding directions.

If you would like to talk more about developing a community that supports and enriches your life, I invite you to contact me for a complimentary coaching consultation.

(Momentum Newsletter article, March, 2007)